The Healthy Archive

Natural Health - Fitness - Remedies


Bored, Girl, Woman

What To Do When You’re Bored?

Boredom could be real torture while there are people who yearn to feel that way because of their hectic schedules. It is kind of important to keep busy not to feel the state of boredom as it kills happiness. It becomes tough to kill time, and it seems that it has stopped. You cannot sleep all the time and wander off to your dreamland, nor can you scroll Instagram feed which has people supposedly “enjoying” their life and not being bored. Well, it depends on your interests that what you would really enjoy doing when you are bored.

There are hundreds of Things To Do When You are Bored to stop being bored. But we are just listing the best ones. Here’s how you can turn “I m feeling bored” into “I am enjoying the day.” These twenty-three things are sure to pass your time, as well as make you happy at the end of the day.

1# Throw a small party

Well, if you throw a party, you actually won’t be staying alone. But it’s a pretty cool idea, as you can enjoy the day. Call your friends and family who can be at your house, create a good playlist and then call up the pizza guy. Don’t forget about the coke though. If you did it right, you could have the biggest party in your home.


2# Create a photo collage

Pick up your photo album and go through the old memories. Now, take all the photos you like, and turn them into a photo collage. Remember? How creative were you during your childhood days? Create a photo collage or a wall frame just to check how much of your creativity has been affected as you grew old.


3# Listen to your favorite music

Instead of wondering what to do when you’re bored, simply plug-in your headphones. Music can give you a great company when you are bored. Create a playlist of your favorite tracks and enjoy the tunes. If you are a music lover, it will suck up 5-6 hours of your time without you even realizing it.


4# Call your Best Friend

Best friends are always there to entertain you, no matter how far you are from them. Just call them up, and talk about all the rubbish you want to. Don’t worry, friends never get angry. If he/she seems to be too busy to talk to you, it might be a sign that he/she isn’t your true best friend. (There are exceptions, in this case)


5# Watch your GF/BF’s old videos

Doing so will bring up the perfect smile on your face. Sure, there will be some bitter memories too. But, it can help you to pass your time.


6# Go to the nearest supermarket

Getting out of your house will help you uplift your mood. You will be able to see new faces on the market, which will freshen up your mood. If you are lucky, you may be able to find a new friend there. (I am not kidding)


7# Watch funny YouTube videos

Funny YouTube videos are a great way to enhance your mood. If you are bored alone at home, then YouTube will be one of the fun things to do at home. YouTube entertains people better than mighty TV as you have complete choice over the content you wish to see.


8# Shop online

This requires you to have some quick bucks. Go around your favorite e-commerce websites and shop for new items. You can search for new shirts, jeans, new phones, or anything else you want to. Even if you don’t buy something, just browsing through the website alone will pass some of your time!


9# Read books

Reading books is one of the best things to do when bored. You will not only get some precious knowledge but will also be able to pass your time very easily. Who knows, reading books will become your favorite pass time once you start your “reading.”


10# Clean your room

The best thing to do when you are bored alone, especially if you are a boy. As a boy, we don’t think about cleanliness much but trust me; you will feel much happy and prouder than your mom after completing the task. If your room is cleaner than Google’s headquarters, first make it messy and then clean it again. After all, all you want to do is to pass your “boring” time. Isn’t it?


11# Spend time with pets.

If you have a pet, then you must not be bored. Play with them or take them out as they would die to spend time with you. Give them a bathe as hygiene is important for them as well. You could teach your pet a new trick or at least try! I remember when I used to teach my dog a few tricks and he seemed to be the cutest in the world when he obeyed.


12# Dance like there is no tomorrow.

Did you ever want to exhaust yourself just because you are bored? Well, dancing comes to rescue as it is a fantastic mood elevator. You can even learn a few steps online and dance to the beats of your favorite music. Even when I am home alone, I imagine that I am giving a performance on stage and it is super-fun. *loner, you say? I know.*


13# Enjoy a relaxing bath.

Put the music on and take a long shower. If you have a bathtub, then bring in those bath salts and draw yourself a relaxing bath. It would be soothing and time would pass by quickly.


14# Create a video and upload online.

You never know which video could go viral on the internet as YouTube is giving birth to stars these days and you could be one of them if you have something amazing to record. You could get fifteen minutes of fame, even if you don’t get to be a big star. So try it on!


15# Write a blog.

Reading is good but so is writing and having a blog is a nice way to reach out to readers to talk about any topic. Who knows how good you become at it? Start today and see where it takes you.


16# Have a makeover.

Decide that you want to change your look and start reading fashion related magazines or articles and collect ideas on what you want to implement on yourself. Maybe the new style of clothes or maybe change your hair?


17# Catch up on favorite soap operas.

If you are hooked to a soap opera that you liked, several hours would be passed just like that. Have some snacks on the side, and download that show or watch online for as long as you want.


18# Cook a new recipe.

When you are bored, you need not order a takeout yet as you can look on the internet and learn how to prepare what you were about to order. Am I right? It might not be as tasty in your first try, but you will be proud enough with a new skill in your hand.


19# Video games.

It might have been years since you last played a video game and they can be addictive too, but you can definitely kill your time by playing games. Although, keep in mind that you do not start doing it all the time, every day!


20# Start thinking of ways to save money.

Find how you can save money as you might not be aware of the tricks that you can put into use to have a good saving in your hands. This way you can buy a new pair of shoes from time to time.


21# Start organizing your closet.

Many of us don’t keep our closet organized as we just randomly throw in the clothes when we are getting ready. Your closet need not look like a tornado hit it, and you can organize it well. You would make good use of your spare time, and it will feel good.


22# Read a novel.

There is no better friend than a book. You might not be a book lover, but you can try page by page reading on topics that interest you.


23# Surf articles on the internet that spark your interest.

Just like you are doing right now. You might be aware of the other topics that you have interest on. The universe? Or the world? Maybe dinosaurs? It is always good to gain knowledge especially when you have nothing else to do.

Want even more ideas on things to do when bored? Ping me on Facebook! Just kidding, you can watch a cool video covering the same.


Hobbies

Many people enjoy arts and crafts but never take that extra step to make them available for sale. If you’re crafty and have the time and space to make your craft items in larger quantities, there are a variety of items you can create to sell for extra money from home. In fact, with a little planning, you can build a complete home business using your own creative skills.

A home crafts business isn't for everyone, but it's a nice way to generate some extra income and, at the same time, receive accolades for your beautiful creations. If you want to start selling your items, you'll also have some administrative business tasks to deal with. It's best to plan from the beginning how you'll accomplish these tasks, such as bookkeeping, generating customer receipts, finding suppliers, and filing business taxes.

While there is a lot of useful information available on starting and growing your crafts business, the snapshot below can give you an overview of some pros and cons of a such an endeavor:

If making money from your creativity sounds fun, exciting, and full of potential, here are 10 ideas on crafts you can make and sell, plus tips on how and where you can sell your hand-crafted goods.

1. Jewelry
Quality home-made jewelry is very popular because each item is usually unique. An advantage to jewelry is that it’s small and easy to pack to take to craft fairs and ship if you sell online. Materials for jewelry can vary to include handmade polymer clay beads, stones, metal, crystal, leather, and more.

2. Art/Décor

People enjoy unique works of art to display in their home and office. Art doesn’t have to be a painting. It can include photographs, wall hangings made from fabric, wall stickers and more. Further, it doesn't have to hang on a wall. You can make decorative items that sit on a mantle or bookshelf.

3. Soap/Bath Products

Handmade soap and bath products are popular, especially if they’re created for sensitive skin and made with organic products. You can make regular bar soap, or get molds and dyes to create shapes and colors. You can add scent to your products as well. Beyond soaps you can make bath bombs, bubble bath, and lotions. These items can also generate repeat sales because they're consumable.

4. Candles

Similar to soap, you can make candles in a variety of shapes, colors, and scents. Further, you can use different unique items to house your candles, such as mason jars, teacups, and shells.

5. Sewn Items

If you know how to sew, there are many things you can create and sell, such as purses, coin pouches, and bags, pillow covers and blankets, pot holders and aprons, and more. You can also sew clothing, such as costumes, children’s dresses, or doll clothes.

6. Organizers

People need help storing and organizing their everyday household and office items. While a coffee cup or plastic bin can do, many people like to buy unique decorative items. Ideas include wood or painted glass utensil holders, pencil holders, decorative boxes for storing files or photographs, and more.

7. Decorative Dishes, Cups, and Glasses

Are you handy with a paintbrush? Painted dishes, cups and glasses, especially wine glasses, are very popular. Or perhaps you can etch on a beer stein or mason jar. Instead of paint or etching, you can use decoupage to decorate kitchen items. Decorative dishes, mugs, and glasses make great gifts, which makes them a great item to create.

8. Magnets/Pins

Many people in business like to buy personalized magnets, buttons, or pins to give away to potential customers. Or you can make your own unique item and start a trend (remember bottle cap magnets?).

9. Pet Goods

People love their pets. And they love to spoil their furry friends, so making a home business in the pet market is a good idea. Items you can make for the pet market include pet beds, clothes, and collars. Plus, you can create decorative items, such as art or a locket that can hold the pet’s picture.

10. Paper Goods
One advantage to creating paper goods is that in some cases you can sell them digitally. You can create a personalized planner, checklists, or stickers, and they can be delivered as a digital file that the customer can print on their end (they can buy sticker paper at the office store.)

How to Sell Your Items

Once your items are created, it's time to get them ready to sell. Here are some tips turning your items into income:

Price your items for profit. While you don’t want to overprice your goods, you want to be careful that you cover not only the cost of materials, but your time as well.
Brand your items. Find a way to include your name, business name, website, or other contact information on each of your items. This can be a sticker or home-printed information on business card paper. If your customers want more, they’ll be able to get in touch with you.
Consider targeting a specific type of customer. For example, many authors seek out unique swag items that have pictures of their books on them, such as earrings, charm bracelets, and more. Sheepdog owners want to buy totes, tees, keychain,s and other items with a sheepdog picture on them. Customizing your goods can take more time, but you can also charge more.
Tie into the time of year. While many of your items can be good at any time of year, you can boost sales by offering seasonal items such as Christmas décor or gift items, or Fourth of July decorations. Or consider making special occasion items such as wedding favors or birthday decorations.

Where to Sell Your Items

Once you have your items created, you're ready to sell them. The good news is you have lots of opportunities to sell your goods, and in some cases, you don’t even need to leave home.

Online Places to Sell Your Crafts

Etsy is probably the most well-known resource for people to sell their homemade goods, but there are many other places you can list and sell your items online, including:

Aftcra
Artfire
Dawanda
Handmade at Amazon
Handmade Artists
Handmadeology Market
Hyena Cart
iCraft Gifts
Made It Myself
Zibbet


You can also set up your own e-commerce storefront to complement your listings on these sites instead of using any of the online craft resources listed above.

Offline Places to Sell Your Crafts

Online isn't your only option for selling items. Selling in person also means no hassle of packing and shipping.

Craft Fairs
Bazaars
Consignment in local shops
Farmers Markets
Local events that allow vendors

Another important benefit of in-person selling is the face-to-face interaction you'll get with your customers. This allows you to get instant feedback, find out what your customers love about your products, and ask for ideas on new products your customers would be interested in buying from you.


Positivity, Girl in the Mountain

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” -Harriet Beecher Stowe

Some days are light and filled with inspiration. Some days are simply routine.

And on some days you may think to yourself: “I give up”.

You may feel like just giving up on…
  • Your new habit of working out or eating healthier.
  • Your own small business or blog because you haven’t had the results you expected or wanted.
  • Truly feeling better about yourself.
  • Dating because you can’t seem to find the right person or maybe even have a good date at all.
Winding up in such situations is a normal part of making positive changes in life.

But what you do when you feel like giving up will determine a lot about where your life will go.

In today’s article I’d like to share 10 things that have helped me to hold on or to change direction on those difficult days.


1. Tap into realistic expectations.

This one has been very important to me.

Tap into realistic expectations not by listening to advertising that promises you quick results. Not by listening to the perfectionism – from the people around you or yourself – that allows no mistakes or failures.

Tap into it by listening to the people who have already gone where you want to go.

Listen to the people who know what works and how you will stumble and fail along the way and can tell you how long your journey may take.

You'll probably not get an exact blueprint. But the things people can tell you in person or via books and blogs can be a great guidance.


2. Remind yourself why you are doing this.

It’s easy to lose the big picture in the busy everyday life.

But if you feel like giving up then try reconnecting with why you are doing what you are doing.

Maybe it is to:
  • Support and keep your family safe.
  • Live healthier and longer so you get to watch your kids grow up.
  • See the world and explore new things.
Write your answers down.

Then, whenever you feel like giving up pull out that piece of paper with your most powerful why(s). It often helps.


3. Remember: It’s darkest before the dawn.

This thought has helped me to hold on when things have felt very difficult and I felt like giving up and going home. Because I have found it to be true.

When things seemed to be at the lowest point with my blog and business, with my dating life or with my motivation in life in general something always happened.

Probably quite often because being at that low point forced me to change something in how I did things.

But maybe also because life seems to have some kind of balance if I just keep going. If I just keep taking action instead of giving up and doing nothing then something good always happens.

Seeing this repeat itself strengthened my belief in taking action and to keep going even on rough days or weeks.

And it brings some comfort even when things look pretty dark.


4. Reconnect with the basics.

When I have run into a plateau or a longer rough patch then one thing that has often helped is to simplify and reconnect with the basics.

It is easy to become overwhelmed by all the information out there about any change you can make in life.

That can lead to confusion and to trying to do too many things at once.

In those situations it has been helpful for me to simplify.

To just focus on a few or one of the things I have learned that are the basic fundamentals in this area of life. To improve my social skills those things were, for example, to keep a positive attitude and to assume rapport.


5. Learn more and course-correct.

Reconnecting with the basics often works well. But sometimes during a rough patch or when I feel stuck it has been helpful to change my course slightly instead.

To examine how I do things, what results they bring in and to compare it to how people who have gone before me have done things.

To be honest with myself and admit that maybe one or two things or small parts of that I am doing are not working so well.

And to replace those things for a while – based on what others have done in the past – and see if that works better.

Even if it means that I have to get out of my comfort zone.


6. Tell yourself: Just for today!

Here’s a little phrase I got from Brian Tracy that I often use when I’m having a bad day with a new habit.

I say to myself: Just for today I will XX!

Replace XX with what you will do just for today such as getting exercise, getting going with the most important task first thing in the day or eating a healthy lunch.

By telling myself that I only have to do it today I get two big benefits:
  • I release the mental burden of the past times I did it and future times when I will do it. And so the task becomes much lighter and the inner resistance melts away.
  • It also reminds me that the period that I am investing in changing a habit is not the rest of my life. After 30 days or so the habit will mostly be automatic so it is not something I have to do on willpower for the next few years or decades.

And guess what, when tomorrow comes I’ll probably have a good day again with less resistance and I will most likely feel like doing the task again.


7. Connect with the people around you to let it out (and to reload your motivation).

I've found that when the hurdles seem insurmountable or I don't have the energy to tackle another obstacle then one thing that can help a ton is to just open up about it.

To talk to my wife, a friend or my parents about it. To vent, to figure things out for myself as the other person listens. And to get some level-headed and experience-based advice when I need it.

This replenishes my energy and motivation.

If you have trouble with finding someone to open up to at this time – or the people in your life have difficulty with understanding or helping you with a current challenge – then you can for instance seek out supportive Facebook groups or other groups online.


8. Look back and celebrate how far you've come.

When you feel like giving up and you're overwhelmed and tired then it's easy to lose perspective on what you've actually accomplished so far.

The things you've learned, the steps you've gotten to done and the obstacles you've overcome.

Reflect on those things when you feel like giving up. Appreciate and celebrate what you've done so far to move yourself towards your goal. Appreciate yourself for the effort you've put in.

This will help you to change your perspective to a more optimistic one once again and to find a new step you can take to keep moving forward.


9. Just cut yourself some slack and take a break.

Yes, it might feel like you just want to give up. But in my experience that may sometimes simply signal that you need a well-deserved break after you've put in too much work or tried to stick with a too optimistic time-plan.

So when that happens listen to your body and mind.

Take a few hours or days off. Rest, recuperate and forget all about the task, project or whatever you want to give up on during that time.

This can change how you feel in a remarkable way and recharge your batteries.


10. See if it's time to quit and to try something else.

Sometimes it's not time to give up. But it may be time to quit what you are doing and to try something else.

If you feel like giving up or you are bored a lot, if you feel no real passion or excitement or curiosity about a change or your current path then ask yourself these two questions:
  • Am doing this because I truly want it?
  • Or am I doing it because someone told me to or because so many people around me seem to have done it or are working on it?

What you want isn't easy to know before you get started though. You may need to try different paths before you find one that fits you.

And just because everyone around you seem to love running doesn't mean that you have to love it or that you have to give up on the habit of regular exercise.

Try walking, biking, playing badminton or table tennis instead. Try a new way of doing what you want and see if it's a better fit and more enjoyable for you.




When you are a child in a toxic family situation, it can be hard to see the trauma and abuse that is being inflicted on you. After all, you are totally in it then – at the mercy of people who are supposed to be taking care of you. No matter how much harm they cause you – maybe even on a daily basis – you are still reliant on them.

Often, at the time, and for years after, you are still hopeful your family member may change. You may very well be in denial that something horrible occurred. Worse yet, you may believe that anything that happened was your fault. That is part of what makes your family toxic: the constant gaslighting, the rejection of wrongdoing, and the placing the blame on you – the child.

It’s awful, awful, and I want you to know that you are not alone. If you have been hurt in this way, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You know how hard it is to admit, even years later. To see it clearly, to realize that you were not in the wrong – they were.

You know how the pain that you were not able to express in childhood still lives inside you, coming out in its own twisted ways during your teenage years, young adulthood, even now. Maybe your pain has been expressed as anxiety, depression, addiction, rage, or self-harm.

And maybe now you finally see the harm it causes you and you have had enough. Your pain is real and you want to break the cycle once and for all.

Maybe you are exactly where I was just a few years ago, realizing that the people who caused you pain in childhood … well, they keep doing so even now. Each encounter with them is just as fucked up as it ever was. Oh, they have “apologized” – maybe. But apologies mean nothing if the pain and damage is still inflicted on you with every encounter.

This is how I knew that it was time to cut ties with the family members of mine who acted this way. I knew that no matter how strong and grown-up I was, I could not be around that toxicity any longer. And I realized that this wasn’t a weakness on my part: it was – finally – an assertion of a boundary. It was the claim that I had a choice in the matter here. I didn’t have to play victim to that kind of treatment any longer.

It was freeing as fuck. But also terrifying. And the thing is, once you’ve made the decision to cut contact with those family members, there is nothing cut and dry about the process. Everyone needs to find their path with it – and in fact, it’s an ongoing path that some of us are constantly navigating.

It might be clear to you that you must cut off all contact with your family or family member in order to stay well. This is a decision you should feel 100% empowered to make. There are some family members who cause the kind of damage that is just not survivable, not for one more second of your precious life. And there are people for whom setting up a boundary just isn’t going to cut it.

If they are in your life at all, it is a bad situation, one that you shouldn’t have to live with anymore. How you announce the “cut” is up to you, and I would definitely recommend thinking it through and coming up with a plan – either with a therapist, or a loved one who understands the situation and supports you without hesitation.

However you do it, remember this: it is not your job to justify your decision. And once you’ve made it, there is no negotiating. If someone has hurt you enough for you to go “no contact,” that person doesn’t deserve much more than a simple, “I don’t want to be in contact with you any longer.”

It’s your choice how much more you want to communicate, and how you want to do it (in person, phone, text/email). Again, that is up to you, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Before you go complete “no contact,” you may want to try setting up some very clear boundaries as a first step, or a trial of sorts. That’s where I am at, currently. There were a few steps I took with certain family members in terms of how and when I was willing to communicate with them, under what conditions I would see them, and even the subjects I was willing to discuss with them.


My therapist helped me identify which sorts of things were “non-negotiables,” and how to express those to my family members. And I did not back down on those, no matter how tempted I was to do so, or blame myself for coming on too strong (the struggle is real when you are finally asserting yourself after being silenced for too long).

In addition, I unfollowed these family members on social media (gotta love the good old unfollow button), and limited what I shared with them on social media (look into “lists” on Facebook, so you can decide who sees your pics and posts). I also decided to cut any financial arrangements or ties with these family members, no longer accepting money from them for anything other than my children’s birthdays.

This is my first step, and I’m going to see how it goes. But the bottom line is that if hurt and pain is still inflicted on me even with these strong boundaries, there will have to be a re-evaluation to see if a more complete separation is necessary. It is very scary to consider, but it is even scarier to imagine myself living a life of constant damage. It isn’t fair to me, my partner, or my children.

Cutting ties with your family is a process, for sure, and each of us has our own path with it. No one’s process looks the same, nor should it. I recommend that you navigate it with a licensed therapist, or someone you trust highly to support you and help you come up with a clear plan for how to do it.

But here’s what I want you to remember most: Believe in yourself. Trust your instincts. You spent so much of your life in doubt – blaming yourself for the pain that others inflicted on you. Standing up to that is going to be more difficult than you might realize. But you can do it. I have faith in you.

You are stronger than you know, and you deserve to finally live a good life, surrounded by unconditional love and support, and nothing less.
Toxic People

It’s hard to avoid toxic people sometimes. They sometimes appear like something else, and they’re sometimes inextricably bound up with our work or family lives. However, there are smart practical steps you can take to preserve yourself from this sort of damage.

Let’s take a closer look at how to effectively and definitively remove toxic people from your life.

1. Don’t Expect Them To Change

Firstly, and most importantly, moving past toxic relationships requires true acceptance of the fact that you can’t force toxic people to change. They may imply that they can change, or you may yearn to be the one who can help them become better, but this is almost always a hopeless project.

Toxic people are not motivated by what’s good for them or for their relationship with you. They’re motivated by their own complex problems and needs. When you give up the desire to change them, it’s much easier to let them go.

2. Establish And Maintain Boundaries

Manipulative and toxic people drain your resources by constantly pushing you to work harder to please them, making you compromise more and more. This is exhausting and transgresses all acceptable relationship boundaries.

Give some serious thought to what you will tolerate and what you won’t from partners, family members, colleagues, and friends.

When you get a sense that something’s not right in your interactions with someone, run through your mental boundary checklist and enforce these boundaries deliberately and rigidly.

3. Don’t Be Pulled Into Crises

Toxic people often make it seem like they “need you” because they’re always in crisis. But the important thing to know is that these are crises of their own making.

Toxic people create drama deliberately in order to attract more attention and engage in manipulation, so remember this the next time you’re asked to run to their side. You might feel bad, but remember that you’re not dealing with a genuine person in distress.


4. Focus On The Solution

Toxic people give you a lot to be sad and angry about but if you focus on this, you’ll stay miserable and frustrated, even if you’re excising such a person from your social circle.

Instead, turn your attention to the fact you’re clearing up a psychological and emotional mess in your life. If you spend much of your time ruminating on (and trying to understand) a toxic person’s negative behavior, they’ll suck away all your resources even when they’re no longer in your life.

5. Own Your Difficulties And Weaknesses

When you’re in a toxic relationship of any kind, you’ll notice that the other person tends to exploit your flaws and find ways to use them against you. However, you can dramatically reduce the likelihood of this happening by simply getting to know yourself and learning to accept your weaknesses.

Balance them against your strengths, believe that you are a good person, and commit to self-improvement. That way, it’ll be old news is a toxic person tries to highlight your perceived flaws, and you won’t be easily manipulated by such a tactic.

6. Understand Projection

Part of removing toxic people from your life involves reducing their power over your emotions and that requires recognizing that they’re not really seeing you when they’re hurting you.

In truth, they’re projecting onto you the parts of themselves they don’t want to acknowledge or accept so that they can pour all their suppressed self-hatred into attacking you. See their cruel behavior for what it is: a way of avoiding the truth about themselves.


7. Know They May Resist

Toxic people often throw tantrums when they feel ignored. This is usually because you’re stopping them from being able to control or manipulate you. They may increase their previous tactics tenfold, but eventually, they will back off and look elsewhere to meet their needs.

Don’t give in when their behavior escalates, and instead remind yourself that you’re teaching these people that their old behaviors will no longer work.

8. Choose Your Battles Carefully

On a related note, make sure you choose your battles wisely. Conflict with toxic people requires huge amounts of energy and time. Just remember you don’t need to engage in every fight that they might try to instigate. Instead, save that energy for looking after yourself, and for nourishing relationships that are genuinely healthy.

9. Surround Yourself With Healthy Relationships

Finally, removing toxic people from your life can be deeply painful, as you may deeply care for some of these people in spite of how difficult it is to have them in your life.

To maintain your resilience and cope with any sadness, stay in close contact with those who make you feel safe, cherished and happy. These are the people who will model healthy friendships and relationships, reminding you exactly why you are choosing to sever toxic ones.


Toxic People

Do you ever get upset about the nasty behavior of your co-workers, friends, or even family? Well, if you let others upset you, it’s not their fault.

“It’s not me, it’s him!” is what most of us say. We’re always quick to blame others for how we feel.

We say that others make us feel that way. But that’s false. You decide how you feel about the things that happen in your life.

Events can’t harm us. Our perception of an event harms us. That’s one of the most important ideas of Stoic philosophy.

In other words, you decide what meaning you give to the things that happen in your life. If your friend tells lies about you behind your back, and you get upset, that’s because you decided to get upset.

After all, you don’t control others. That’s why who you spend your time with is a matter of life and death.

The great Stoic philosopher, Epictetus, said this in his Manual For Living:

“Avoid fraternizing with people who don’t share your values. Prolonged association with those with false ideas can only tarnish your thinking.”

It’s something I truly live by. I’ve seen others destroy people’s lives too often to take this idea carelessly.

And I bet that you’ve had your share of, for lack of a better term, “toxic” people in your life.


There Are Two Kinds Of People
  • People with values
  • People without values

I think that less than 1% of the population has values. Values entail nothing more than answers to questions like:
  • How do you treat people?
  • How do you treat yourself?
  • What’s right and what’s wrong?

Here’s an easy way to detect people without values: When you see that someone becomes an entirely different person in a heartbeat — that’s when you know someone has no values.

For example, at our company, we recently hired a toxic intern. The intern turned out to be a different person from the person we thought we hired.

Of course, that’s our mistake. Even though we talked extensively about values during the interview process, we didn’t detect any warning signals.

And everything was fine during the first week. But as soon as the intern found a partner in one of our other interns, things started to change.

All of a sudden, with this new-found support, the intern started gossiping, trying to manipulate others, and causing mayhem. Fortunately, we identified it quickly and communicated that we have a zero-tolerance policy for toxic behavior.

It’s not an unusual thing in organizations. People often hide their true colors. I should say, they hide the fact that they don’t have colors.

When you lack values, you automatically gravitate towards natural human behavior. And that’s very dark. I recently read 12 Rules For Life by Dr. Jordan Peterson, a clinical psychologist, and a professor at the University of Toronto.

His fundamental proposition is that people are malevolent and that life is suffering. To prove that statement, Peterson shares compelling examples of human history with us.

He’s right. People have always lied, killed, and deceived their way through life.


But There’s An Alternative

Look, you can easily go down the rabbit hole of nasty behavior. Just spend enough time with bad people — eventually, you will become one of them.

You can also fill your days with gossiping, lying, and manipulating others. And you’ll probably also feel good when you do it. A sense of power, no matter how it’s achieved, gives people satisfaction. That’s how our minds work.

So when you recognize someone who doesn’t have principles, shows nasty behavior, and has multiple personalities — step away.

Instead, surround yourself with people who want the best for you.

Not with people who are jealous, can’t see your success, and thrive off negativity. I think this is important to realize for anyone who wants to live a good life.

A few years ago, when I started to live a conscious life, I had to say goodbye to people who only wanted to live a life of pleasure.

And I’ve also seen other friends that started to change their life for the better but were dragged back into the bottomless pit of darkness by others.

But as you and I both know, life is also full of warm and caring people. It’s not all bad.


Be Stingy With Your Time

“You’re the average of the five people you spend your time with.” It has become such a cliché. But I don’t think that we truly understand the impact that other people can have on us.

Like Epictetus said, others can tarnish your thinking. Is that worth it?

Look at it this way. Would you give $1000 to the people in your life if they asked for it? If the answer is no, stop giving the people who don’t share the same values as you, your time.

I’ve narrowed down the list of people I spend 90% of my time with to my direct family and my two best friends. Other than that, I spend my time working and exercising. That’s what I mostly do. And I’ve never enjoyed my life this much.

So if you have a job you love, and a few people in your life who you love, you don’t even have more time to spend.

Nothing else gives more satisfaction than having a meaningful career and a strong family.

“But what if my family is toxic?”

Inspire them to change for the better. I don’t give up on my family. Even if it takes 10 years, I will still try to help them.


Create Your Values, And Stick To Them

To live a virtuous life, you need principles. Without principles (or values), we have no character. And without character, we’re nothing.

“Who cares!”

Well, you should care. You’re the one who looks in the mirror every day. Are you happy with what you see?

That’s the only measure I have for my life. I must like the person I see in the mirror. If I don’t like that guy, I’ll change. That’s what I’ve always done. And that’s what I still do every day.


Improve Yourself

What’s the alternative? Like Peterson concludes in his 12 Rules For Life, there’s no other viable option for life.

There’s only one path to happiness: Forward motion.

You need the promise of what could be. You need a path to a better life. None of us is perfect.

It doesn’t matter if we ever reach our desired destination or not. What matters is that we keep improving.


Dig Deeper

If you want to hear more thoughts on why you should surround yourself with good people, listen to my podcast episode about it.


Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Break Up

There’s a phase in life when some people reach when everyone around them is either married or committed to a long-term relationship. All their friends are in loving partnerships and all they have to say for themselves is that they’re trying. This can be a rough period for some and it may pressure them into making some rush decisions or commit to people who don’t really deserve them. But the truth is that we can’t all find our soulmates in the same time so instead of settling for the first guy that comes along, use this time to enjoy yourself and your freedom.

Of course, some may say it’s easier said than done, but those who’ve been in toxic, unfulfilling relationships, like me, know that the alternative is so much better. If there’s one thing I want to thank my ex is for opening up my eyes and helping me see I deserve much more. This was the wake up call for me and exiting that toxic relationship is the best thing I’ve ever done, even if I stay single forever.


When you rescue yourself from controlling behaviors you finally realize how much better you’re off on your own. Instead of feeling bad that you’re single all the while your friends are working on starting their families, think about how you’ve actually dodged the bullet. If you hadn’t made the decision to leave, you would have had to put up with someone’s narcissistic, controlling and disrespectful nature. You shouldn’t feel bad that you’re single, you should feel proud of yourself for having the guts to exit this torturing, long-term relationship that honestly wasn’t going anywhere.

Once you get to terms with your newly discovered freedom it’s time to start thinking about yourself and everything that you can do now that you’re single. You can start working on your self-improvement and you can start rediscovering yourself all over again. It’s going to be hard at the beginning, I have to admit it, but you need to be strong and not let yourself cave under the pressure. Once you get over the initial shock, you’ll want to thank the person who made you see just how much you were missing out on life. Your ex is the reason why you’re on this journey of self-discovery and he’s the one who made you see you can do much better.

Thanks to your ex, you will now be able to chase your dreams and make them happen. You finally mustered the courage to walk out on all the drama and toxicity, to say your goodbyes and finally set out on your own journey. That takes a lot of strength and you need to be proud of yourself. So why are you letting yourself feel down for being single? You decided not to settle and now there’s a whole new world of opportunities waiting for you to discover it. Now you have the chance to do all of the things you postponed while you were in a relationship, all the things you’ve missed out on while you were too busy trying to work on your relationship.

You should be grateful to your ex because, unintentionally, he made you the strong person you are today. Thanks to his bad behavior, thanks to him pushing you away you didn’t make the biggest mistake in your life. SO yes, thanks your ex for making your life miserable because that’s what made you rise up from the ashes and rebuild your life again. Now you’ll enjoy yourself and you’ll search for someone who will respect you and appreciate you for who you are, someone who will make you happy and will fight for you every single day. Until you meet that person, don’t feel bad for being single. It’s the best decision you’ve made!


Quotes about Life

Do you often come to a situation where you need to explain yourself for something? We often feel the need to explain our decisions or religious views to people who don’t have a say in it. This has been dragging you down in the mud without you being aware of it.

Why do we do it? Have we been raised that way? Why can’t we just live our own lives without explaining what we do or think? After all, if it doesn’t hurt anyone, you’re not doing anything illegal.


Your life is your own and not anybody else’s business. Below you can see a list of things you don’t need to explain yourself about. 

Religious and Political Views

Who you support in politics or what you believe should be no one’s business. Everyone has their own view of the world and we all have the right to believe in anything we want. If your friends or family pressure you into explaining yourself, you should stay away from them. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone for this – those are your own views and you should stick by them.

Being Single

People stick their noses in the lives of others frequently and it shouldn’t be like that. Don’t feel pressured by society for staying single. If that’s the way you like it, you shouldn’t explain yourself about it. Having a partner or not is your choice and there’s no person on Earth who can pressure you into explaining yourself about being single.

Your Living Situation

Hey, the way you live your own life is you’re your business – not anyone else’s. Live single, live with a roommate or live with your parents. No one has the right to question your choices or make you explain yourself about it.

No Children

More and more young couples don’t like to have children and that’s OK. No one should make you feel bad about it or explain yourself. Don’t want to have children? That’s your choice and others are fools for needing and explanation about it.

Physical Appearance

Some people like to hit the gym every day and get ripped, others are just fine with a bit of weight gain. If you’re satisfied with your looks, you don’t need to explain your physical appearance. If they love you for who you are, you won’t need to explain yourselves.

Life Priorities
Some people want a career before having a child, others want it the other way around. Your life priorities are your own choices. You don’t need to explain yourself to them – whatever your priorities are, they’re yours.


Relationship, Love

You don’t deserve a person when he is treating you like an option. Even if that person makes you happy and gives you everything that you need or even if he satisfies you sexually. However, if there are other ‘yous’ in the equation, it won’t work.

1+1 is not equal to 3 or 4 or 5. If a person really wants you or says that he loves you, he will be loyal and faithful and fight through every temptation that he could get just to not hurt you. I don’t know before that there are people that can love and fool around at the same time but hell there is; lots of them. So be cautious and if ever you spot one, leave; while you still can.

The person you thought you knew is a great controller, he will tell you everything that you want to hear just for you to stay and realise that he is the one for you. Even accepting the flaws in the relationship that there are more than 2 of you in the relationship. The classic line of “We’re just friends”; if you hear that from your partner, do yourself a favor and leave. My point is don’t wait until you don’t have the courage or energy to leave the person. Don’t be stuck.

If you ever think you won’t find another person in the world that will love you just the way he did. Maybe you’re right. Because true love entails trust, understanding and faithfulness and in that kind of relationship there is only fake happiness, toxic arguments and unequal efforts to love. There is no trust because if there is, he should be sure of you and no one on the side. There is no faithfulness because you should be the only one. Understanding is not exercised because the fact that he has other options, he does not care on how you will feel about that situation. He only thinks of himself which leads me to my second point that no one deserves to be with a person who is selfish.

You deserve so much better. You are only fooling yourself that you can get genuine happiness in that toxic relationship you put yourself into. You are as equal and as important as he is, so you should realise your worth that you should never be treated like an option and always a choice; the only choice.

Toxic People

At some point in our lives, we all have to deal with toxic people. You'll get many things from toxic people - requests, claims, reproach - but there's one thing you'll never receive: an apology. Even if they say the words, there's always an ulterior motive behind them. They're either trying to take advantage of you, to manipulate you, or to squeeze out just another favor from you. They'll never apologize, or admit when they've made a mistake. Even if the proof is right there, they'll blame it on someone else and play the victim.

Why can't toxic people take responsibility for their mistakes? After all, we all make mistakes. It's in our nature, we're not perfect. Well, these people disagree. They ARE perfect. They genuinely feel they can't be wrong. And when the facts are there and there's obvious proof of their mistake, the 'coming up with excuses' game begins. It's your fault, for forcing them to make a mistake. It's the Universe. If the conditions would have been proper, they would have NEVER made a mistake. It's always someone else's fault. You caught them cheating? It's your fault, for not being adventurous enough in the bedroom. Or the lover's fault for forcing them to cheat on you. Or the alcohol. Them? Never. And since it isn't their fault, they never apologize.

You can try to call them up on their mistakes, but you might regret it, as in the end, you'll be the one apologizing. You can't reason with toxic people, as they'll manipulate you and make you feel guilty. How could you blame them for something (they did), after everything they've done for you? How ungrateful can you be? And now that this happens and it wasn't even their fault, you react this way? Especially since it was your behavior that led to this?

Don't even try. Toxic people can't admit to their mistakes, as they won't even reflect on what they've done. In their (not at all humble) opinion, there's nothing to reflect upon, as they couldn't have been wrong, as they are perfect. End of story. If something did go wrong, it is probably someone else's fault, and they should be RECEIVING an apology for their distress.

It's very difficult to love a toxic person. You have to be a little bit insane to do it, especially on the long run. It's all beautiful in the beginning, because their confidence is attractive. But once you get to know them better, it's so exhausting. You need a lot of energy to keep up with these people, and as a reward, you will apologize for all their mistakes.

They can't grow, change, or improve themselves, for the simple reason that in their opinion, they already are perfect. They are the best. The smartest, the best looking, the funniest, and the most successful. Don't you dare point out that they've put some weight on, because you already know whose fault that is. Don't you dare say they could get a better paid job, because it's you who's to blame. You're the one dragging them down. They specifically chose this job so they could spend more time with you, and in return, you complain? When you should be apologizing?

If this type of behavior sounds familiar, walk away. You're probably hoping they'll change, but they won't. Ever. They don't have to, because they already are perfect. So walk away. They'll try to guilt you into staying. They'll make you feel bad about it. But that will end as soon as they find another person to manipulate. Let them be and invest your precious time and energy elsewhere. They're not worth it.


Padlock Heart

Getting close to somebody with a guarded heart can be a real challenge. A guarded stance does not develop overnight. It is actually a long process of betrayal and disappointment.

People with guarded hearts are incredibly caring individuals that have been hurt in the past and, due to that, will do their best to keep their shields up around others.

They do not hide the deeper parts of themselves as they want to create frustration; they do so as they have shown them before and been hurt. But, it does not mean that they love less; it means
that they love with caution.

Dating

So, If You Are Dating Somebody with a Guarded Heart, You Should Understand That:


  • They aren’t fans of online dating. Online dating is risky for them. They know that it is much easier to read you in person through your speech, gestures and posture than through your messages, comments and selfies. Meeting up with you in person enables them to get to know you better.
  • They can make it on their own. They are independent and know how to live their life solo. They may invite you along on their adventures, but they do not need you to succeed.
  • They may not fall head over heels for you on the first date. So, you must be patient if you want to win them over.
  • They are hard to impress. Advanced degrees, good looks and money do not impress them. Authenticity, honesty, consistency and kindness do.
  • There’re dark places in their past that they do not want to revisit and talk about them. But, they still have love for you.
  • They know how dangerous love is, so they are a bit reserved.
  • They aren’t quick to express their emotions. They may not show you their vulnerable side easily!
  • They just want to protect their emotions from any harm. Do not be mad at them for not being vulnerable in front of you at first. You must be patient and it’ll pay off in the end.
  • They may not tell you everything. They aren’t comfortable telling you absolutely everything. So, you should trust them enough not to ask, and to understand that they want to keep thing to themselves.
  • They listen more than they talk. They are afraid to air out their business to just anyone. However, they may listen carefully to what you have to say. If you notice them being quiet during a date, it means that they just want to get to know you before opening up about themselves.
  • They have trust issues. They have difficulty trusting people. So, if you are dating somebody with a guarded heart, you must understand it. You shouldn’t take it personally. If you show them you can be trusted, they’ll slowly yet surely open their heart to you.
  • They want to spend time alone. They trust themselves more than anyone else. Due to that, they enjoy spending time alone. Also, they’d rather spend a quiet night on the sofa with you than out with your friends.
  • They know that it is okay to have flaws. They’ll never judge you for your flaws. Instead, they’ll accept you for who you are.
  • They may consider you worthy only if you prove your words with actions. Your words mean nothing to them if you don’t demonstrate your love through your actions. They have heard the “sweet talk” before.
  • They know their value. So, if you treat them with disrespect, they’ll disappear instantly.
  • They may come off as cold and distant at first. But, the truth is that they hide a sensitive, vulnerable nature. And they’ll nurture you like nobody else.
  • They do not place value on expensive gifts. Therefore, you shouldn’t waste your money on material gifts. The most valuable thing you can give them is your time.
  • They are a little bit weird and crazy. Allow their insanity to make you come alive.
  • They may not give you a second chance. But, if you are granted such a grace, consider using it wisely.
  • They know how to keep them cool in a crisis. This means that they can maintain control of their nerve, temper and composure when a problem arises.
  • They have a hard time asking for help. So, when they do, you should be kind.
  • They understand that it is difficult for you to love them. But, they just want you to avoid contributing to their pain. They want you to be straightforward, empathetic, honest and caring.


Angry Man

Anger is a normal, often healthy, human emotion that everybody experiences from time to time. It is actually part of the human experience.

It is healthy and normal to feel angry in response to certain situations. So, when your partner “pushes your buttons,” it is okay to feel hot under the collar.

But if you often experience uncontrollable anger that escalates, even if the provocation is minor, it means that anger isn’t a normal emotion but a major problem.

When your anger turns into rage, it may impair your thinking and judgment, making you more likely to say and do irrational and unreasonable things. When it gets out of control, it may become destructive, contributing to serious problems in your personal relationships and at work. It may undermine your quality of life.

Chronic, ongoing anger may tear down your reputation, social life, job, relationships, or even your health.

angry, anger

5 Major Causes of Anger:

1. Frustration and powerlessness

Frustration and powerlessness may be the root of your anger. As they build up with a situation or life in general, you may get angry. For example, you may feel frustration with a coworker that doesn’t pull their weight at work. It usually comes from feeling powerless to change a situation and it’s natural you would be angry over your own feelings of powerlessness.

2. Hurt

When someone else hurts you or causes you pain, it’s normal to get angry. For example, if you find out your partner is unfaithful or someone you love betrays you; your pain and hurt may turn to anger. As human, you may want to lash out at those who hurt you and stop your own pain and hurt from continuing.

3. Bullying and constant criticism

If you are a target of bullying, you may get angry. Working or living with a serial bully may drive you mad. What may contribute most to your anger is their constant denial of what they did or said and the fact you can’t have a healthy conversation with them. Or, if someone criticizes you or picks on you all the time, you may also get angry. Being a victim of constant criticism may result in anger.

4. Emotional exhaustion

Emotional exhaustion is a state of feeling emotionally drained and worn-out due to accumulated stress from your work or personal life. If you are emotionally exhausted, you may feel like you have no power or control over what happens in life. You may feel “trapped” or “stuck” in a situation. Due to your increased sensitivity, you may also feel extremely intense. You may get upset over trivial things and feel hopeless. The lack of power and the inability may make you feel even more irritated.

5. Fear

Fear may be an anger trigger. We aren’t talking about fear for your life, but rather social fears. Being afraid of failure, embarrassment or the unknown may manifest as anger.


angry, anger

4 Ways to Manage Your Anger:

While being angry is a natural part of being human, it is important to manage your chronic, ongoing anger. Here is how to do so:

1. Identify when you are angry

Being in touch with your feelings can make you a better person. Being true to your emotions can make you feel better about yourself. Being able to recognize your emotions and put them into words can help you use self-control when you feel angry, upset or mad.

But, if you choose to bury your feelings, you may act differently. Feelings that are dismissed or denied don’t disappear or diminish in size; they are actually intensified. You may react inappropriately as your emotions are pulling you in a different direction from where you really want or need to go.

So, you should identify your emotions by asking yourself something like, “What feelings am I having?” Being able to recognize when you are experiencing an emotion and identify what it is may help you figure out a healthy way to respond.

2. Check-in with yourself and see if you can identify the main cause of your anger

The most effective way to manage your anger is to find the source of it. So, next time you are feeling anger – whether strong or mild – check in with yourself and see if you can identify the main cause of your anger. If it is difficult for you to notice anything but the anger, just explore your thoughts, because they fuel all emotions.

It could be the frustration you felt from your commute from work or the argument you had with your partner. Whatever the source of your anger is, identify it and acknowledge it.

3. Take a deep breath and try to collect your thoughts before expressing your anger

When you are angry, it is easy to say something you will later regret. In order to avoid it, take a deep breath and try to collect your thoughts before saying anything. Once you are a bit calmer, express your anger in an assertive but non-confrontational way. State your needs and concerns directly and clearly, without hurting or trying to control others.

4. Try to solve the problem

• If you are frustrated with a co-worker, go to them and speak with them directly. Express your anger through a reasonable, rational discussion.

• If somebody has hurt you, either confront them after taking some time to calm down or remove yourself from the situation.

• If you are a victim of constant criticism or bullying, there is a lot you can do. While different techniques work for different people, the first thing you need to do is try to work it out yourself. Stop doubting your own perceptions and reality. Do not allow them to take away your power. Talk to somebody else as it may be helpful.

• If you are emotionally exhausted, find ways to reduce your stress and prevent burnout. You can imagine a relaxing scene, practice deep-breathing exercises, or repeat a calming word or phrase, like “Take it easy.” You can also practice mindfulness meditation, do a few yoga poses, write in journal, or listen to music to encourage relaxation.

• If fear is causing your anger issues, find ways to overcome the fear. If you are not ready to face your fears, you will never overcome them. For instance, if your fear of public speaking is causing your anger issues, you should take some speech classes to overcome the fear.

Just find ways to focus on how you can fix the issues that are causing your anger, and your anger will fade as you take your power back.


Man And Woman

Have you ever been emotion-shamed before? You know what I’m talking about, has someone ever made you feel bad for being honest, for putting yourself out there and articulating your feelings to them? It’s a rare thing to do these days, to really let yourself be raw and vulnerable. We live in an age of posturing. People hide behind their phones, they carefully curate their communication with other people, which makes honest moments few and far between. When one manages to slip itself in, it’s jarring. “You’re being so real with me right now,” the person on the receiving end says. “I don’t really know what to do with all of this truth. We’ve gone off-script. We’re like in the 70s or something.”

You don’t get anything you want by subscribing to the social rules of today. You remain frozen and in perpetual fear that you’ll come off as “crazy” to someone, you’re unhinged, you are officially seen as someone with no filter. God, I hate that term: no filter. What the hell does that even mean? Like, sorry, that I won’t lie and do this elaborate dance with you? Yes, I must be truly a loose cannon then!

Don’t follow these rules of modern love. They’re shit. Imagine yourself at age 90 and filled with regret. Imagine being surrounded with “what if”s and “how come”s and not being able to do anything about it because you’re too old now, you’ve been edged out of society and the only thing you have left to do now is die. That’s what will happen to you if you keep on holding the love in.

Let it out. Let the love out.

Read this quote by Harvey Milk.

Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.

Harvey Milk said this decades ago but it has never felt more relevant to how we live our lives today. When did we become so afraid to love someone with vulnerability? When did we become so fearful of spilling our guts and being who we are? It sounds corny but it’s true. A few months ago, after a long time of doing the elaborate modern dance and keeping my feelings in, I let them out at 5 a.m. to someone and it didn’t go well. I could see this person make the switch in his mind. I was the “crazy emotional” one now. I told the truth and I was going to pay for my sins.

We need to move away from this constant need of coming across as calm, cool and collected. WE WEREN’T BUILT TO BE CALM, COOL, AND COLLECTED. If we were, it wouldn’t feel so fucking exhausting all the time. It would, you know, come naturally to us. You know what comes naturally to human beings though? Being open, being messy, being raw, being unfiltered, having lots of feelings. Why should we have to stifle our true nature? Let’s go after the things we want, let’s love each other brutally and honestly, and not worry about the consequences. Let’s release the feelings inside of us and let them land somewhere special. Otherwise, we might have a lifetime of longing in front of us.


Cut Ties to Family Member

Family is the one of the most valuable gifts of your life. It is about hope, understanding, faith, morals, values, advice, comfort, encouragement, and more. Your family should always be there for you throughout your life, in both good and bad times.

The relationship you have with your family should be so strong that no one can break. But, sometimes it is OK to distance yourself from or cut ties with some toxic family members.

7 Signs It Is Time to Cut a Toxic Family Member Out of Your Life:


– They are negative, bring you down and reject your attempts to help them

If a family member is negative, brings you down and rejects your attempts to help them, it is a sign that you are dealing with a toxic person. It is important to understand that part of healthy family relationships is feeling comfortable enough to be honest and vent when life is not going great.

However, if you spend too much time around somebody who only focuses on the negative, it may eventually take a toll on you — particularly if they try to make you feel bad about yourself.

Also, if you do your best to offer support and more positive ways of looking at a situation, they just make you feel bad about yourself; it means that they are putting you in an impossible situation. Of course, they do deserve the occasional vent session, but if they are negative all the time and they do not want your advice or help, stop trying to help them, and re-evaluate your relationship.


– They are always judgemental
There is a big difference between constantly being judgmental and exhibiting tough love. A caring family member is not afraid to give you some tough love — and you do need it occasionally.

For instance, if they are really concerned that you are dating somebody who treats you with disrespect or you are drinking too much, they are looking out for you as they want you to be healthy and happy — and sometimes it requires telling you something that you do not want to hear.

However, if they are always judgmental and say things like “Your salary is so low compared to mine,” or “I cannot believe you are wearing it,” consider re-evaluating your relationship. If whenever you spend time with them, you feel emotionally worn-out and drained, you may want to distance yourself from them. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and that you should not allow anyone to disrespect you.


– They never admit that something is their fault or that they have made a mistake

It may be frustrating and draining to be around people that almost never admit that something is their fault or that they have made a mistake.

Although you should not diminish somebody’s experience of being an actual victim (of assault, abuse, or anything else), be wary of family members that think that everything that goes wrong in their lives is your fault.

They believe that the universe is out to get them and they always play the victim. And they never take responsibility for their mistakes.


– They make a big deal out of everything and seem to constantly be going through some sort of struggle
If they always run from one emergency to another and carry out almost all everyday tasks with a sense of drama, it is a sign that they are toxic. Situations at home or work mushroom out of control, and they are constantly letting you know just how bad it is.

They make a big deal out of everything and seem to constantly be going through some sort of struggle, because they love drama. They may try to drag you into their dramatic state, as a way of making their own lives more exciting or gaining attention. But, you should not let them do so.


– They are inconsistent in the way they treat you

They are inconsistent in the way they treat you. One moment, they are caring and understanding; and the next they insult you and call you names. They just want to gain attention and manipulate you into doing what they want. And that’s why they are willing to do their best to control you.

They flip-flop between negative and positive reinforcement. They insult you, yell and lash out at you. But, then they coax you back into their trap and offer you support and pseudo-praise. If so, you need to re-evaluate your relationship.


– They are selfish

They are selfish. When they are down or they need help, they are willing to talk to you. They are always available to ask for help. In most cases, they seek emotional comfort and support.

However, once they get what they want, they distance themselves from you. And they are always busy when you feel sad or you need help. They just ignore the state you are in and continue to ask for help when it suits them.


– They do not respect your boundaries

If you are constantly telling them to stop behaving a certain way and they just ignore you, they are probably toxic. Respecting your boundaries does not come naturally to them. And they thrive on violating your boundaries. But, without healthy boundaries, you may not be able to protect yourself emotionally from their grasp.

If a toxic family member is getting the best of you, it is time to make a change. In some cases, it means distancing yourself from them. In more serious cases, it means cutting them out of your life.




We are all beautiful in our own way, we are all survivors, and have our own ways to cope with the numerous storms we face in life.

Yet, some people are simply stronger than others, independent, more resilient and prepared for various challenges in life.

Strong people are always the ones ready to encourage others to move on, not afraid to handle problems with a smile on the face, never surrendering without trying their best to change the direction of the events.

However, what we often forget is that we are all humans, so strong people can grow tired of everything just like everybody else.
The difference is that people do not expect it from them, and strong people often feel pressured and alone.

Being a hero is not always the most rewarding job in the world, and strong people need affection and love too. They need to be rescued as well, just like they rescue others all the time..

They have their own problems that can break them down.

Being strong for too long can make these people forget about their own needs, so they need a break to recover and regain control of their life.

Even the toughest person you know can get tired of being the one who saves the day all the time. Being a “shoulder for crying” for others and “just fine” whenever asked about their feelings can sometimes be a very heavy burden to carry.

This is not a sign of weakness, and it does not mean that you are not the strong person everyone believes you are. It is completely normal to be tired at times and to feel the need of love and care you offer to everyone around you.

Strong people do not have super-powers, so if you know one, give them the time they need to recharge their batteries.

Being strong is learned throughout the numerous difficulties in life, and if you have such a person nearby, make sure you show that they can always count on your support, attention, and love.

If you are a strong person yourself, remember that you should take proper care of yourself to be able to help others, so take your time and regain your strength whenever you feel like it. You deserve it.


Graduation Ceremony

People younger than you are getting their degrees and you can’t help but feel sad inside because you still haven’t had the chance to finish your own degree. Whether the delay be money, kids, work schedules, or simply not knowing what you wanted to commit to for years and study, in your head you are “behind.”

The reality, my friend, is that you are not behind. This idea that a person graduates at 18, knows exactly what they want to do for the next 50 years, have the ability to pay for college within three months, and then go graduate is complete bullllllshit. This routine is not realistic for many people, and guess what? That IS okay. Here’s a list to remind you beautiful souls why graduating “late” is actually great!


1. You will be older.

This is obvious, but, it’s true. Here’s what comes with being older…experience! Maybe the experience won’t be the ideal “in the job related field,” but other life experiences go a long way. While a younger person who graduated at the tender age of 22 may have the paper qualifications for a position, they may not have any fucking common sense or real life experiences (just simply because perhaps they haven’t had to endure all the different avenues of life just yet) whereas you pop in at 25, 26, 27 or later with a plethora of knowledge and you blow away the chump interviewing you. Remember, you do nothing more but sell yourself during an interview. You got this.


2. You have confidence.

Now, this isn’t to say that people who are younger than you lack confidence, they don’t, but the truth is, confidence is something that is built over time and takes getting to know yourself. It’s just evident- the longer you are alive, the longer you get to know yourself and therefore begin to love yourself and appreciate who you are. By this age you have figured out who you do and don’t want in your personal circles and you’ve more than likely learned how to say “no” to things that you truly don’t give a shit about wasting your time with. You’re a rock star.


3. You are… More than likely already a parent, already moved out of your parent’s home, or already worked elsewhere full time.

Any of these will make you relatable to the person who wants to consider hiring you. At 22, 23 many times these young adults are great, they were ambitious and were privileged enough to have the opportunity to go to school and get exactly what they wanted done, but sometimes, transition is tough and they still reside at home. This could be fine, but think about it, are they really going to rely upon this job and put their 200% in when they have in the back of their mind that someone else is going to be taking care of them if needed? Here’s where you come in- you either have kids, have rent, or are already accustomed to making work first if you’ve done full time before. You understand responsibility on another level, you don’t just want this job but you actually do need it in order to maintain your current responsible lifestyle of relying upon yourself, and because you are used to full time maybe, you don’t have to do much transitioning into “work first” life style.


4. You are probably in a long-term relationship.

And here’s why this is a great thing. How many times have you been at a job or workplace and witnessed another co-worker going through drama, heartbreak, or a continuous break-up? Although we may be sympathetic and sad, it gets rather bothersome during working hours. I mean, you have shit to do and now someone you sort of care about is crying their eyes out. You gotta stop and worry and ask if their okay. Or if you’re an asshole, you act as if you have no idea what’s going on, but either way it gets old. The only thing worse than having to console someone is being the damn person to console! But- if you’re the person in the long term relationship that is one less drama/problem that you would have to deal with during work/distracting you from work. You’re focused and ready for this job to give it all you got! Then, you can go home and be in PJs with your lover and eat Chipotle. Yum.


5. You know how to say ‘No’.

When you’re fresh out of college at the age of 22, 23, or whatever, sometimes you don’t know any better and the first offer you receive is the one you commit to. You think, I’ll work my way up and I’ll be the next person in line and whatnot. But, someone who’s been around a little longer may have developed the ability to say no when a job is offered but not realistic or fitting to their lifestyle. Just because it’s offered to you, doesn’t mean it’s right for you.

Younger adults aren’t always all this naïve and unaware, I’m just pointing out they may be desperate to move out, ready to just start something, ANYTHING, so they may take on opportunities and miss the better ones. You, however, are seasoned at knowing what you really want and need and have no issue weeding out the not so great offers. You know you’re waiting for better because it took you longer to get your degree and that just shows how dedicated you truly are. You didn’t give up, you went to college on your own terms/time.